Public Service Announcement

I am little concerned about the plight of the American youth. Within my lifetime I have seen a new predator emerge. A threat, which, if left unchecked, will steal the lives of our children. So what is the threat? Drugs? Alcohol? Internet predators? Bocce ball? Try video games. That’s right, I said video games. Now before you throw your wireless Xbox controller at me, let me explain.

Childhood and adolescence are a critical time in a youngster’s life where you learn vital skills like: covertly stealing cookies from the cookie jar, ratting out your siblings, and where to hide that stalagmite of a booger you just pulled from your nose. But, perhaps the most important thing to be learned is how to interact with other people in a social environment. And this is what is at stake. Now don’t get me wrong, I have partaken in a video game session or two. I mean, who can pass up some NCAA Football or some Splinter Cell? And Contra. Remember Contra? Up-up-down-down-left-right-left-right-B-A-start got you 30 lives. Remember that? But the difference is, I can distinguish between real life and virtual life. I know I am not a college football player ((I could have walked on, but I chose to focus on my academics) I hope you read that in a deep “I am a jock” voice with your chest puffed out. If not, read it again). And I know I am not a spy. But that doesn’t preclude me from leaving messages in code for my handler on crumpled crossword puzzles in the predetermined wastepaper receptacle.

Anyway, the point is, I can’t think of any other activity that young people participate in that can alienate them from society like playing too many video games. Think about it, what will too much sports get you? A healthy body, good hand eye coordination, lots of chicks, a scholarship to college despite how poorly academically you have done.

And what about too much studying? Good grades, the admiration of your parents and teachers, a scholarship to an Ivy League school, and the sweet feeling of revenge when you hire your former classmates to work for you at an unimaginably low wage forcing them to downgrade from the double wide to a Coleman pop-up trailer.

But with too many video games what do you get? Childhood obesity, cardiovascular disease, an inability to distinguish reality from make-believe, a pasty-white complexion, and social ineptitude. There is no down-the-road payoff. You don’t go from being a fat, sloppy, person who can’t interact with others to CEO or to MD or to Commercial Recreation Master’s Degree holder. It just doesn’t happen like that.

You might be asking what has inspired me to tackle such a huge social issue on my little blog. Can one person really make a difference? I had an experience yesterday while working which really drove home the severity of the situation we are faced with. At work we sell glow sticks. I am not really sure why we sell them and I never really paid any attention to them until last week when somebody realized that our entire stock (several hundred in a smorgasbord of colors) was expired. Now, everyone knows you can’t sell expired glowsticks, so we have been giving them away. This was, of course, after we each took as many as we would ever think we could possibly need.

So this kid comes in with his mom. She was clearly doing the shopping and he was clearly suffering from separation anxiety from being separated from his video game console for a whole afternoon. How do I know this is what was happening? First of all, he was shaped like a pear. While not a guaranteed indicator, when grouped with his ashen complexion, callused fingertips, and t-shirt with an old-school Nintendo controller and the word “GAMER” on the front, it is a dead giveaway. Not to mention he twice tripped while simultaneously reading and walking. After about an hour of waiting while his mom tried on jackets I decided I would cheer this kid up. So when he walked by the counter I asked him if he wanted some free glowsticks. I was almost knocked over in surprise and disgust when I heard his response. While avoiding eye contact and in the voice of a mouse, he said, “Naw, I don’t really have any need for glowsticks right now.”

It was at this point that I reached across the counter and grabbed him by his collar and smacked him and screamed, “No need? No need? Nobody has a need for glowsticks! They are the only product created that nobody ever really needs! But you take them, especially if they are free!”

Alright, I didn’t really grab him, but I wanted to. Because you don’t turn down free glowsticks, you just don’t.

Compare this with the reactions of my coworkers upon finding out about the free glowsticks. One guy gleefully exclaimed that he had enough glowsticks to light an airfield and land a plane in his front yard. The new girl declared that she was going to cut them open and soak a shirt in them to wear out that night. The entire staff participated in our attempt to break the record for the most glowsticks cracked at once (we’re waiting to hear back from Guinness on that one). And even our home schooled high school kid (home-schoolers aren’t usually the poster children for social integration, ours is an exception (he was on a poster...as a child)) declared that he was going to cut them open and pour them into his toilet to make the water glow.

It pained me to see somebody pulled down so low to where they wouldn’t even accept a free glowstick. What a shame. And the culprit was video games. It hurts just to think about it. So my warning to the world is, “Don’t let the video games steal your childhood.” If you think you might have a problem, go get a glowstick. If it doesn’t inspire you, then seek a licensed professional, preferably one who has a glowstick hanging in their office. They can help. Together we can make a difference.