Circus Peanuts

Here is a recap of an actual conversation I had today with "something-quita" (No joke, that was really her name. I know that's sometimes used as the generic black person name, but it really was her name, I just missed the first half of it). She was calling on behalf of the Shriner's. Those are the guys with the funny hats that ride the mini-bikes in parades. Apparently they also have a circus as I found out from "misses -quita."

-quita: Hi my name is something-quita and I am calling on behalf of the Shriner's. Our annual circus is in town and we would like to send some underprivileged kids in Durham to go see it.

me: OK, sounds like a worthy cause. (I think I would have started with buying school supplies or after-school programs, but I guess a trip to the circus oughta help them kick the poverty cycle)

-quita: We would like to send you a form to make a donation so we can send these kids to see the circus. We just need your address to send you the form AND your four free tickets to the circus.

me: Wait a sec. You are going to send me four free tickets to the circus?

-quita: Yes sir, we sure are.

me: Is this the same circus you want to send the underprivileged kids to?

-quita: Yes sir.

me: Now this might be a dumb question, but why don't you just give those four tickets that you were going to send me to four of the kids and save yourself the postage?

-quita: Well sir if you wanted to help "doubly as much" (that's a direct quote) you could sign the back of the tickets and send them back to us and that would help more kids go.

me: I guess I don't understand. Couldn't you just keep the tickets and give them directly to the kids?

-quita: Well sir, we print the tickets here and send them out, so it wouldn't be a problem to send them to you.

me: I'm sorry about this, but you print the tickets to the circus there?

-quita: Yes sir.

me: So you can print as many tickets as you need?

-quita: Yes sir.

me: So you could potentially print enough tickets to send all the kids in Durham to the circus?

-quita: Well, no.

me: No?

-quita: They need snacks.

me: Snacks?

-quita: Yes sir. Snacks.

me: So the donation form is really for snacks for underprivileged kids in Durham, not to send them to the circus because you print the tickets to your own circus that the kids would be attending.

-quita: Well, I guess so.

me: Will they be healthy snacks?

-quita: Huh?

me: Nothing, please send me the donation form.

In 5 to 7 days I can look forward to an opportunity to help buy Durham's underprivileged children snacks for their trip to the Shriner's circus. I hope they buy circus peanuts.