I unwittingly turned the world of carryout pizza on its head tonight. You see, my wife refuses to eat more than 2 pieces of pizza, and I refuse to have my pizza turned into a fruit salad. It went something like this.
Me: I’d like to make a carryout order
Papa Johns: What would you like tonight?
Me: I’d like a large pizza with one quarter ham and pineapple and 3 quarters pepperoni and onions. (I guarantee alarms went off somewhere at Papa Johns central command)
Papa Johns: Oh! Did you say you want one quarter ham and pineapple?
Me: Yes
Papa Johns: Well…uh…one quarter?
Me: Yeah, its one fourth of the pizza. Half of a half.
Papa Johns: Um…huh… that would be a special order.
Me: Aren’t they all special orders?
Papa Johns: Well, I would have to transfer you for that.
Me: What? Transfer? Where am I?
Papa Johns: I can do half and half, but a quarter... (Trails off in shock then mumbles something about a special order)
Me: Ok, do what you have to. Let’s make it happen.
Papa Johns: Um…yeah…please hold.
New Papa Johns: How can I help you?
Me: I need to make a carryout order.
New Papa Johns: Ok, what’ll it be?
Me: I’d like a large pizza with one quarter ham and pineapple and 3 quarters pepperoni and onions.
New Papa Johns: Um, well…we can do half and half
Me: I don’t want half and half I want a quarter and three quarters.
New Papa Johns: I don’t know if we can do that. I’ll have to check.
Voice in background: A what? Quarters? Half, we only do halves.
New Papa Johns: We can do half and half.
Me: I got that much, but I don’t want half and half.
New Papa Johns: I don’t know what to tell you
Me: Are you serious? Since you guys are stuck on halves, can you do half of a half with ham and pineapples?
New Papa Johns: Um, a what?
Me: You know what… Never mind. You win. I’ll take half and half.
New Papa Johns: Half and Half of what?
Saturday, March 29, 2008
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