This is what you can do with too much time on your hands and Adobe photoshop. 
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Safety Warning
This came printed on a bag I got recently and I am a little confused as to it's meaning. Who writes these things and who decides "Yep, they'll understand that." I mean, the guy on the left is clearly choking himself. That's not good whether you have a bag over your head or not.
Toll letter
FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVEN'T HEARD THIS TALE....
TRAVIS WAS GOING THROUGH A TOLL PLAZA IN ORLANDO ON HIS MORNING COMMUTE. FOR REASONS UNKNOWN HE DIDN'T HAVE HIS SUN PASS AND THE ONLY CASH HE HAD IN HIS POCKET WAS A FIFTY DOLLAR BILL. THEY WERE UNABLE TO BREAK IT AND ISSUED HIM AN INSUFFICIENT FUNDS NOTICE. ATTACHED IS THE RESULTING LETTER . ENJOY!
October 3, 2005
Orlando-Orange County Expressway Authority
P.O. Box 568611
Orlando, FL 32856-8611
To Whom It May Concern:
I am slightly disappointed that the toll operator who had generated the enclosed form on September 20, 2005 incorrectly described the reason for my lack of payment. It was not because of insufficient funds, rather an abundance of funds. At the time the only available monetary instrument to suffice the obligation of the toll was a fifty-dollar bill. Evidently the policies of Orlando-Orange County, among others who include but are not limited to, all State toll-collecting authorities, are unable to change such an outrageous dollar amount. I am sympathetic to the potential dangers that come with handling the exorbitant sum of currency necessary to process such a request; however, I also feel that this policy lacks customer service. Instead of taking steps forward by adding new security measures for the safety of your employees and cash handling methods, you have chosen to stay the course with an utter disregard for those who would greatly benefit from such ground breaking policy changes. As though my morning commute doesn't suck enough, the aforementioned disregard for customer service caused me to endure more stress and royally pissed me off! My heightened stress level precipitated me to move with great haste, thus endangering the lives of not only myself, but other morning commuters who were undoubtedly on their way to work as well. And yes, I do understand that with the technological changes that are taking place it is more expensive to have available change and pay employees to control such large amounts of money. That is simply the cost of doing business, but as businesses we need to evolve to handle these changes in effort to provide the best customer service and satisfaction. If considerable attention is not paid to my concerns, I will be forced to take my business elsewhere. Although my attempt to provide a forward thinking rationale to the situation will likely end up in a trash receptacle or passed around the office as a humoring diversion of the realization of working for local government, I appreciate your time, whomever you are. Enclosed is the Toll Violation Insufficient Funds Notice, or what I like to call TVIFN, along with fifty cents that I adhered to said TVIFN, with scotch tape. My only request is that I receive a receipt. Please place it in the enclosed self-addressed stamped envelope.
God Bless, Travis Lehman
P.S. Is it possible to obtain an Orlando-Orange County Expressway Authority T-Shirt?
TRAVIS WAS GOING THROUGH A TOLL PLAZA IN ORLANDO ON HIS MORNING COMMUTE. FOR REASONS UNKNOWN HE DIDN'T HAVE HIS SUN PASS AND THE ONLY CASH HE HAD IN HIS POCKET WAS A FIFTY DOLLAR BILL. THEY WERE UNABLE TO BREAK IT AND ISSUED HIM AN INSUFFICIENT FUNDS NOTICE. ATTACHED IS THE RESULTING LETTER . ENJOY!
October 3, 2005
Orlando-Orange County Expressway Authority
P.O. Box 568611
Orlando, FL 32856-8611
To Whom It May Concern:
I am slightly disappointed that the toll operator who had generated the enclosed form on September 20, 2005 incorrectly described the reason for my lack of payment. It was not because of insufficient funds, rather an abundance of funds. At the time the only available monetary instrument to suffice the obligation of the toll was a fifty-dollar bill. Evidently the policies of Orlando-Orange County, among others who include but are not limited to, all State toll-collecting authorities, are unable to change such an outrageous dollar amount. I am sympathetic to the potential dangers that come with handling the exorbitant sum of currency necessary to process such a request; however, I also feel that this policy lacks customer service. Instead of taking steps forward by adding new security measures for the safety of your employees and cash handling methods, you have chosen to stay the course with an utter disregard for those who would greatly benefit from such ground breaking policy changes. As though my morning commute doesn't suck enough, the aforementioned disregard for customer service caused me to endure more stress and royally pissed me off! My heightened stress level precipitated me to move with great haste, thus endangering the lives of not only myself, but other morning commuters who were undoubtedly on their way to work as well. And yes, I do understand that with the technological changes that are taking place it is more expensive to have available change and pay employees to control such large amounts of money. That is simply the cost of doing business, but as businesses we need to evolve to handle these changes in effort to provide the best customer service and satisfaction. If considerable attention is not paid to my concerns, I will be forced to take my business elsewhere. Although my attempt to provide a forward thinking rationale to the situation will likely end up in a trash receptacle or passed around the office as a humoring diversion of the realization of working for local government, I appreciate your time, whomever you are. Enclosed is the Toll Violation Insufficient Funds Notice, or what I like to call TVIFN, along with fifty cents that I adhered to said TVIFN, with scotch tape. My only request is that I receive a receipt. Please place it in the enclosed self-addressed stamped envelope.
God Bless, Travis Lehman
P.S. Is it possible to obtain an Orlando-Orange County Expressway Authority T-Shirt?
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
I won the lottery
Ok, not the real lottery, but the Walmart lottery. That is when you pick a cart that doesn't have a wobbly wheel. Statistically, the odds of winning the real lottery are only slightly less than getting a cart that doesn't vibrate like the "magic fingers" bed in a cheap hotel. The reason behind that is the carts are custom made for Walmart to include a wobbly wheel. This is for two reasons: the first is it really annoys people and encourages them to complete their shopping quicker, thus allowing Walmart to circulate more customers in a day than their competitors. The other reason is it is a psychological trigger to make you think that you are getting a better deal than you really are. By having a cart with a shaking, spinning wheel you generally say something like, "Man, this place is ghetto." In reality your subconscious is saying "if they won't spend money on fixing the carts they must be passing along the savings to me, that is obviously why I can buy 22 pounds of apples for a buck-fifty" They use a similar tactic with the handicapped or geriatric greeter. Your mouth says, "I bet he/she smells pretty funky," but your subconscious says, "By using those who cannot command a higher wage elsewhere to put stickers on the merchandise to be returned and paying them such a ridiculously low wage that an anorexic could not pay her (not being sexist- statistically about 80% of those with eating disorders are women) food bill, they are saving money and thus can pass those savings on to me." So the moral of the story is when your number is called and your cart rides smooth as silk, just be thankful and shop slow, because, my friend, you've won. You've beat the system. Plus, it gives you time to watch everyone else curse as their carts gyrate like a semi-truck with a blow-out. After re-reading this it occurred to me, again, that I really need to get a job.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)